Winter is never a fun time of year for me.
I always get depression. And that tradition has, sadly, gone unbroken.
I'm falling back into old habits, things that make me happy but are no good for me right this moment. No need to worry, Beetle isn't into drugs or alcohol or anything :3 It's just, blurring reality lines, getting carried away, finding things to fill the empty holes in my life.
I never said this on dA, but my boyfriend and I were not getting along very well for a while. Luckily though, that is looking up and I'm very happy about that. He is visiting on Saturday and I can't wait to see him! For those of you who don't know, he lives far away, so I haven't seen him in two months. I'm so excited!
I'm afraid I may have hurt one of my best friends... I am not going to go into detail about this, except for that I was forced to push them away. And it sucks a lot, I have tons of fun with him and he can make me smile so easily. But he hasn't really been thinking clear lately, and it's making my life more difficult... I hope we can remain friends. He says I didn't hurt him, but I still feel awful.
I feel as if I've been replaced. Two friends of mine, who are both sweeties and very dear to me, have become really good friends recently.. And I feel left behind in the dust. Don't want to talk about this too much.
This holiday season is going to be the same as any; Go visit family in a dead-end town and miss all the fun back home, and be stuck with a family I feel like a misfit in. I don't fit in with my mom's side of the family.. Whenever I'm with them, I just sit there and say nothing. And if I do say something they all kinda go, "...yeahhhh..." and move on. Even if there is time before and after visiting my family to be with friends, nobody even can/wants to/will go through the trouble to. I'll say, "We should hang out!" And all I get is a "Yeah! We should!" and no follow-up. I hope New Years isn't like last year.. Sitting alone in my room with disgusting sparkling apple juice wishing I were dead while all my friends are out making good memories and starting their years off happy...
I've got a feeling it will be like that though sadly.
There is only really one thing keeping me going right now, and that's knowing that my boyfriend and best friend love me and are trying very hard to cheer me up, and that they want me to be happy. It's people like the two of you that I thank God for. Fuck now I've started crying, aha...
FUCK THIS WEATHER. It was -35 with wind chill today. AT LEAST 15cm of snowfall. The sun is setting at 4 (this is when I'm on the way home from school!!) and it's overcast and dreary all day. Maybe some sunlight will cheer me up, I don't know. But for me, +10 is freezing cold. -35 is a whole other story! I am dying over here! Can someone take me to a beach somewhere, and get me out of yucky cold Canada?

-Beetle☆